I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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