Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
