i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
