So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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