like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
