she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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