i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize