just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
