you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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