Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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