I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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