ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
