i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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