I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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