quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
