And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
