yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
