you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
