need another drink. this is the easiest way
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have aggressive nipples.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
