My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
