I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I look better un-naked...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
