I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
