pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
