i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize