My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
