I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
