Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
