respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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