Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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