So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
