How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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