How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
