she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
