I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
