um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
