I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
