you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
