You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
