Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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