i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
