i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
