I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize