your parents love me but you hate me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
