and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
