Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
