remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
