I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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