Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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