Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
