apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
