All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
