Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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