I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
