hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
