I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
