I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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