All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
