I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
