im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fuck appropriateness.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize