I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
