I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
