The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
