i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
