You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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