i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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