just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
