saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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