ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
