i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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