That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
