Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
