I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
