okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
