Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
