when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
