Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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