My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
