Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
