My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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