Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
