There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
