So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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