just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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