i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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