Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
