used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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