true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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