Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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