sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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