Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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