Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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