i just google imaged poop.
Welp...herpes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
