I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
