Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
